Of The Heart

A conversation I had in my mind many times as a youth:

 

Jacob: What does your heart tell you?

Killian: My heart? As if something as transient as emotion could ever tell me anything..

Jacob: Obviously it is emotion that is at the core of your current frustration.

Killian: Exactly. Which is why I can not rely on it. On what I feel. It changes from moment to moment, and leaves me with only questions and the clinging left overs of desire.

Jacob: So your philosophy on love remains unchanged.

Killian: Yes, I am afraid so. I’m afraid that when it comes to love I have to go with the evidence and not what I want to believe.

Jacob: So you are just reaffirming that you were correct from the start?

Killian: In a way I suppose. But I wanted so badly to be wrong this time…

Jacob: Then why give up?

Killian: There is nothing more for me to do

Jacob: With this particular situation, yes. Why most you always pound against stone? Why try to fix something long after the pieces have blown away?

Killian: A desire to believe?

Jacon: Or perhaps a desire to cling to loss.

Killian: What?

Jacob: Exactly what I said. A desire to cling to loss. As long as you only pursue the goals you have no real chance of attaining, you will always fail, and thus, your philosophy can remain unchanged. You are safe in your own discontent and misery.

Killian: That is absolute nonsense.

Jacob: Is it?

Killian: Why would I keep doing something like that to myself?

Jacob: I have been posing that same question for some time.